hard

Boredom…

I have reached an odd point in my life right now. I am at the stage now where I have finished school and will never need to go back there again. And I will be starting university in a few weeks. My days consist of watching YouTube, Netflix, gaming, occasionally going out and exercising, which for the most part is a pretty big waste of time…

Now while there is nothing wrong with what I am doing, for me, it is not enough. My mind is loosing its edge as it is not being engaged to the level I am used to. I suppose that is part of the reason why I even started this blog, to do something different and learn something new to help me stay focused and keep my mind remotely engaged. Sure, you can argue that throwing a mediocre (hell you could even argue this writing is bad, not even mediocre, but I gotta stay positive!) string of flowing text is not exactly difficult. However, to me this some sort of productive use of time.

A few days ago I arrived at the realisation that I have to change and wasting my days away wasn’t going to do anyone any favours. So over the last week I tried being more productive… Before I get into that I should explain what I would defy as being productive. To me productivity is working on a way to better yourself, whether you are trying to improve physically or mentally this kind of improvement is what I call being productive. A way in which you learn something (your  body can learn things too) new.

Now the few poor souls who are still here would be asking (or looking for the exit button) “well how are you being productive?”. I am being productive by trying to learn. Every day I read the news, every day I read a few pages from a book (currently reading “Ready Player One” by Ernest Cline), Hell I even open Wikipedia and start reading random articles. I mean did you know that cherophobia is the fear of having fun? Did you?! I didn’t think so because neither did I up until a few seconds ago until I read about it as I was procrastinating on writing this post.

Sadly, doing all this is still not enough and often I still feel boredom’s tight grip around me. Tho it is slowly getting better. University is around the corner so hopefully I’ll have something to occupy me then. But until then I suppose this little blog will do. Thinking about it I am sure I will come back to here in 5 years time (who know’s maybe I will still be writing on here) and read this again and notice how poorly written all of this. And what do I have to say to my future self? Nothing really just the fact that hopefully my writing has somewhat improved. And on that note, until next time!

Progress

I begin writing this about 24 hours since I published my first post Hello World and people actually saw it. Now it wasn’t some one hit wonder where I got thousands of readers over night, nor did I expect that to occur. I got a handful of views, some likes, few followers and a single comment. And honestly I’m quite happy about that! Sure to most people that’s not a lot but for me it’s a start and I plan to hopefully keep growing.

Of course, this posts purpose wasn’t just to talk about my achievements. I am writing this because I wanna talk about my current life. I didn’t expect to be going into this so soon but it seems you can never plan or predict how things happen. What I want to talk about is progress, not the progress I have achieved but the progress of my peers.

Over the last few years I feel like I’ve been stuck in the same place while everyone around me are achieving highly in whatever they seem to pursue, whether it is something academical or something sporty they achieve it and continue to climb higher. And while I am happy for my friends achieving greater things it also sucks because I just seem to be looking at them from a distance. Over the last few months I have watched my friends get into universities like Oxford and Warwick, get their music played over 200 thousand times on sound cloud, join a battle rap league. It is a crappy feeling but I have to get over it however hard it may seem at the time.

It’s been a few days since i started writing this post and my brain just froze after the last paragraph and my view of this topic has changed. Yes, my friends have been progressing and moving on in life and yes I was stuck in a bad place where I didn’t feel like I was going forward with anything. However, I am only 18, my entire life is still ahead of me and I have plenty of opportunity and time to keep growing and progressing forward. And maybe I will overtake my friends and I will be the one that my peers look up to and not the other way around. But right now, this is nothing but a pipe dream. I have to work hard to be able to progress and it wont be easy by any means. A lot of work and effort will be have to be put into my life in general if I want to achieve something and it took me and embarrassingly long time to realise this. I suppose what I wanna say to my self is that this is not the end of me but the beginning of a new chapter in my life.