Well something very interesting happened to me a few nights ago… It was just a typical night and I was sleeping (or so I thought at the time). My sleep state was not very deep so as a result of that I was dreaming… Well I thought at was… The dream went like this, I was going just through my normal ritual of just checking my phone for messages while in bed. I see a message from a friend and respond, and thats it! This whole even only must of lasted 20/30 seconds in total. Now, it’s morning and I’ve woken up to check my phone to see that I replied to my mate at 3:44 am at the time which I was definitely asleep at.
Now calling it sleepwalking is a bit of a stretch since I did no walking while I was supposedly “sleeping”. Mind you, the definition of sleepwalking is doing non-complex actions e.g. typical routine while in a deep sleep. Which perfectly sums up what happened to me. I did a small amount of research and found that a “sleepwalk” (not sure if thats the correct terminology but oh well) can last anywhere between 30 seconds to 30 minutes. Of course, my’n is on the smaller end of the scale. On top of this I also discovered that a cause of sleepwalking is deprivation of sleep. Which seems fairly reasonable since my sleeping cycle hasn’t been the greatest over the last few weeks. I usually go to sleep anywhere between 1-2 am and wake up anytime between 8-10 am. Which is seems fairly reasonable, until I tell you that I’ve been going to sleep mostly at 2 am and waking up at 8-9 am due to builders 2 floors below me drilling into a wall every damn morning! Not a different wall but the sam damn wall every morning! The exact wall which my head is next to while I sleep. As a result this might have been a factor in causing me to do what I did.
Another thing that I read (although, I already knew this) is the fact that children are more likely to experience this than adults. Which leads me to the only other time when I ended up sleep walking. I can’t remember my exact age but I am pretty sure I was 10/11 years old at the time. I remember I went to sleep and I woke up and went to the living room, where my mum and my aunty were still talking, I walked past them into the kitchen and went to the bin and was about to start to urinate into the bin but my mum noticed I was sleep walking and guided me to the toilet and that was the end of that.
Now, these are not some crazy sleepwalking stories. What links them together is the fact that I remember both of them well. Which begs the question, was I actually sleep walking or I was actually awake but just didn’t realise and my head went on auto pilot. And at this point I don’t know which one is worse. The fact that at any night I can end up doing something I have no control over, or the fact that something in my brain is controlling these actions. This kind of reminds me of the main character from “Mr. Robot” (really good TV show if anyone is thinking about watching it), where the main character looses control and his alter ego takes over.
Of course, this is not something I realistically need to start worrying about. Since it has only happened twice in my 18 years of existence. However, that is two times more than most people have experienced in their lives. I mean I would be fine with it if I was just told about it, like someone seeing me sleepwalking. What worries me is the fact is that I end up remembering it which is not really supposed to happen. Tho a recent study has shown that you can remember sleepwalking in some cases. Anyway, that’s the end of that, hopefully this doesn’t happen again and I stay away from the sleepwalker life!
I have reached an odd point in my life right now. I am at the stage now where I have finished school and will never need to go back there again. And I will be starting university in a few weeks. My days consist of watching YouTube, Netflix, gaming, occasionally going out and exercising, which for the most part is a pretty big waste of time…
Now while there is nothing wrong with what I am doing, for me, it is not enough. My mind is loosing its edge as it is not being engaged to the level I am used to. I suppose that is part of the reason why I even started this blog, to do something different and learn something new to help me stay focused and keep my mind remotely engaged. Sure, you can argue that throwing a mediocre (hell you could even argue this writing is bad, not even mediocre, but I gotta stay positive!) string of flowing text is not exactly difficult. However, to me this some sort of productive use of time.
A few days ago I arrived at the realisation that I have to change and wasting my days away wasn’t going to do anyone any favours. So over the last week I tried being more productive… Before I get into that I should explain what I would defy as being productive. To me productivity is working on a way to better yourself, whether you are trying to improve physically or mentally this kind of improvement is what I call being productive. A way in which you learn something (your body can learn things too) new.
Now the few poor souls who are still here would be asking (or looking for the exit button) “well how are you being productive?”. I am being productive by trying to learn. Every day I read the news, every day I read a few pages from a book (currently reading “Ready Player One” by Ernest Cline), Hell I even open Wikipedia and start reading random articles. I mean did you know that cherophobia is the fear of having fun? Did you?! I didn’t think so because neither did I up until a few seconds ago until I read about it as I was procrastinating on writing this post.
Sadly, doing all this is still not enough and often I still feel boredom’s tight grip around me. Tho it is slowly getting better. University is around the corner so hopefully I’ll have something to occupy me then. But until then I suppose this little blog will do. Thinking about it I am sure I will come back to here in 5 years time (who know’s maybe I will still be writing on here) and read this again and notice how poorly written all of this. And what do I have to say to my future self? Nothing really just the fact that hopefully my writing has somewhat improved. And on that note, until next time!
I begin writing this about 24 hours since I published my first post Hello World and people actually saw it. Now it wasn’t some one hit wonder where I got thousands of readers over night, nor did I expect that to occur. I got a handful of views, some likes, few followers and a single comment. And honestly I’m quite happy about that! Sure to most people that’s not a lot but for me it’s a start and I plan to hopefully keep growing.
Of course, this posts purpose wasn’t just to talk about my achievements. I am writing this because I wanna talk about my current life. I didn’t expect to be going into this so soon but it seems you can never plan or predict how things happen. What I want to talk about is progress, not the progress I have achieved but the progress of my peers.
Over the last few years I feel like I’ve been stuck in the same place while everyone around me are achieving highly in whatever they seem to pursue, whether it is something academical or something sporty they achieve it and continue to climb higher. And while I am happy for my friends achieving greater things it also sucks because I just seem to be looking at them from a distance. Over the last few months I have watched my friends get into universities like Oxford and Warwick, get their music played over 200 thousand times on sound cloud, join a battle rap league. It is a crappy feeling but I have to get over it however hard it may seem at the time.
It’s been a few days since i started writing this post and my brain just froze after the last paragraph and my view of this topic has changed. Yes, my friends have been progressing and moving on in life and yes I was stuck in a bad place where I didn’t feel like I was going forward with anything. However, I am only 18, my entire life is still ahead of me and I have plenty of opportunity and time to keep growing and progressing forward. And maybe I will overtake my friends and I will be the one that my peers look up to and not the other way around. But right now, this is nothing but a pipe dream. I have to work hard to be able to progress and it wont be easy by any means. A lot of work and effort will be have to be put into my life in general if I want to achieve something and it took me and embarrassingly long time to realise this. I suppose what I wanna say to my self is that this is not the end of me but the beginning of a new chapter in my life.
I suppose I couldn’t start this blog without titling it “Hello World!”. For me it this phrase feels like a right of passage every time I start something new which in this case is a blog. Now, blogging is pretty outdated at this point (a solid decade now) but for someone like me it is the correct platform to express my self since I am not a huge fan of putting my self out there and recording my self on a camera, so here I am starting a blog only a decade too late.
Now, I should explain why I am even starting this blog. The blog exists to give me a way to express my thoughts and feelings and help me keep a record of it. In a way it’s a bit like a diary, since the whole point of it is to help me put my thoughts in some sort of order and my future self can look back upon this blog to see how I changed and moulded over time.
A little bit about me, I am currently 18 years old and live in London. I finished school this year and in October I will start university. Now I do not want to over share so I suppose this is as much information as you (the theoretical single soul that somehow stumbles upon this site and decides to read what I have written here) need. Most likely as time goes by you will end up learning more about me as I get more comfortable with writing on here.
From what you have read already you can tell that my writing abilities are not the greatest but then again this blog is for my self and I suppose overtime my writing will improve and become more fluid and advanced.
Content wise you can expect almost anything from aeroplanes to zebras. I will write about subjects I’m interested about or something that happened to me in real life and I want to share. Maybe, there will be some stories too about events that happened before but who knows I suppose anything goes. There will be no schedule for this as I am a slow writer and will only publish a post once I am happy with it.